Why is New York so far away?

Alas, I have been on the e-mail list for this group in New York that sounds pretty awesome:

http://sexyspirits.com/

Recent events and activities have perked my interest, like tantric massage, and giving women full-body orgasms. (Trust me, run into enough men who aren’t interested in a woman’s orgasm and you feel like you are dying of thirst in a salty ocean!  So rather than just think about the same little old sneeze orgasms, you start to fantasize to the X-TREME! All day Orgasms, 5 Orgasms in a Row, 5 Part Orgasms in 3/4 Time… yeah, it’s like that! )

This past  June at Sexy Spirits  had:

“Lecture:Demo Tantric Massage and Expanded Orgasm for Men
Fri. June 19th, 2009
“…….. expanded orgasm and altered states of consciousness….” [Nice!]

“FREE Screening:Penn & Teller: ORGASMS with Sexy Spirits
Mon. June 29th, 2009
Anton, founder of Sexy Spirits, Sensual Loving Touch
Free screening of Penn & Teller, Bullshit which features Orgasmic Providers
Workshop given by Anton, founder of Sexy Spirits and star of Divine nectar
Krystal Magic.”
[As a lot of us in the BDSM scene know, Penn Gillette can be found in his home dungeon in Vegas... nice to see Penn showing us more!]

An important aspect of BDSM is heightened sensuality and heightened feelings….. and you don’t always have to achieve those with the “whips and chains.”  So many activities, so little time!

Here’s a sample of this week’s offerings from Sexy Spirits:

“Workshop: Clothes On Sex! with Reid Mihalko
Mon. July 6th, 2009

Putting the back Oh! in Frottage & the Of course! in Outercourse…
Wish you could recapture the days of long, carefree making out? What about those super hot grinding sessions before the pressure to cut straight to “The Sex” started overshadowing everything? Maybe you know you don’t always want to have sex, but you also don’t want to hold back on getting your rocks off?………”

Sounds splendiferous…….. click here  for the culprits running this joint.

As a monagamist with the green monster running in my veins, I’m not keen on the threesomes workshop. But I just skip over that part, and fully support my friends and neighbors who don’t have the same wiring I have. I really like what Sexy Spirits is putting out there and wish I could attend some events.

I know, I know….. you’re going to tell me that I can find all that stuff here in Los Angeles!!

Remind me not to live so much on the internet.

Simone aka The Filthy Book Reader
www.filthybookreader.blogspot.com

The Pizza Delivery Boy and your Condom Fantasy

It seems all is not well in Porn world.
I don’t have all the details straight (I’m not exactly your Sexworld CNN) but the issues of condom uses in porn films is making waves again.
The adult/porn industry has made strides in taking care of its own and many production companies require HIV testing at certain intervals for it’s performers. Some companies have gone so far as to work “condom only,” meaning you get raincoats in their films. But this has tapered off.

AIM, the Adult Industry Medical Healthcare foundation most often provides the testing services. An HIV case was reported a few weeks ago and now condom-only protests have started anew.

Were porn stars all “fluid-bonded?” Technically, yes.

Since I don’t want any government agency telling me what I can and can’t do with my body, I say, the porn industry should regulate itself like it has been doing. “Condom-only” films have tapered off because producers say….”They discovered that it wasn’t profitable to have condoms in their movies. People watch porn for the fantasy. They live with condom use in reality every day, and that’s the problem.”

Man, ain’t that a bitch? That whole annoying “I may die if I don’t use a condom” issue. If condom use in reality is still an issue, then we still have a long way to go. Never mind that HIV isn’t the only “H” to worry about. What about our old friend, Herpes, and the gnarly one, HPV, that seems to love the girls, while sometimes leaving them with cervical cancer and having no effect on the boys? Condoms. Condoms. Condoms. I love them.

And yet, I don’t believe laws should be enacted for the adult/porn industry because essentially this is “thought police” deciding what is best for us. These same police will tell us other things we can’t do with your bodies if given the chance. Yeah, it’s THAT big old conspiracy theory paranoia! I’m one of THOSE people! But porn is obviously not doing a good job of teaching us the joys of safe sex, latex, and being HIV-free, so why twist porn’s arm and tell them they have to do it now?

The other side of this coin is the AIDS Healthcare Foundation here in Los Angeles, leading most of the protests, most often in front of the Hustler store and Flynt’s building. I commend the Foundation’s work and I would never diminish their mission. I just think this may be one cause they have to drop. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the Foundation could produce PSA’s on condom use, with very graphic demonstrations with porn actors, and get as many porn companies to add these at the beginning of their movies? You get the safe sex info, and when the “Plumber” shows up, you get the fantasy… crack ‘n all!

“Never Trust Anything that Bleeds for 7 Days and Doesn’t Die”

Sometimes I feel like I’m “always working,” or at least, always thinking about sex.
While visiting with buddy Sean, I got to do a little work: go through his & his roommates “Maxims” and “FHMs” to copy down the names of stylists, agencies and photographers to market my corsets to.
I have built a following in the Fetish and BDSM communities, but it’s high-time I reach the mainstream.  Hollywood costumers sure haven’t put my corsets in any movie, but I’ve been in 2 porns. Go figure. No shame in that. (Nina Hartley sitting in my living room, telling me her custom corset idea for Bree Olsen for “Surrender of O 2?” Yeah, it’s like that.)

You find some great things in the ads, and an insight into the marketing these magazines do to men:
http://www.liquidtrustspray.com/ …….. to attract chicks. The website is also geared toward salesmen and “getting that promotion.” Pheromones… hello, 1978 !

http://www.pmsbuddy.com/ ….. get e-mail alerts when that female in your life is going to be an accursed bitch……. I actually LIKE this!!! Hey, PMS ain’t going away until menopause. Sometimes I feel like I’m just counting down the days. And it’s got an i-phone app! Will wonders ever cease in this Brave New World?

And it seems that G. Gordon Liddy could use PMS Buddy. With the possibility of Judge Sonia Sotomayor’s appointment to the Supreme Court, he lamented on his radio show:

“Let’s hope that the key conferences aren’t when she’s menstruating or something, or just before she’s going to menstruate. That would really be bad. Lord knows what we would get then.”
Source: http://thinkprogress.org/2009/05/29/liddy-sotoyamor-menstruating/

Yeah, G. Gordon. I’m with ya. Unpredictable bitches with their PMS……. why can’t women just know their place. Shut up and get in the kitchen. Iron Gordo’s shirt.

I got nothin.’ I can’t work up anything resembling original caustic wit against someone so pathetic as G. Gordon Liddy.

Maybe when it’s closer to “that time of the month……………”

Welcome Simone!

Simone, corset-maker extraordinaire and self-proclaimed armchair sexologist, has agreed to post some blogs here on the Positive Sexuality Blog. I’m thrilled that Simone has agreed to do this, because I find myself getting bogged down with things and can’t blog as often as I would like to. I’m looking forward to Simone’s biting humor and quick wit to add some spark and energy to this blog.

To read Simone’s own blog, you can follow this link (http://filthybookreader.blogspot.com) or click on the link on the righthand toolbar on the PS Blog page. I also highly recommend checking out her corsetry website and getting a beautiful custom corset from her. I did! www.exquisiterestraint.com

Welcome Simone!

Celebrities Coming Out

A Yahoo headline today reads “Adam Lambert finally confirms ‘I’m gay.’” Why is this news? Does this really matter? As far as I’m concerned, no. And yes.

Coming out can be an extremely difficult process, especially for someone who is already in the spotlight. Suddenly, all media coverage is focusing on the person’s sexuality and dating preferences and forgetting that this person may have actual talent that he or she is trying to find an audience (and hopefully a paying gig) for. Does it matter whether the person is straight or not? Really? I suppose by coming out it is possible that the gay and/or lesbian communities will rally around the talented individual, increasing record sales or something, but not everyone who is gay wants to be the spokesperson for the community even though he or she may have celebrity status.

We don’t suddenly see headlines “confirming” Brad Pitt’s heterosexuality all over the place, so why is it news when we find out that a celebrity is gay or lesbian? We’re living in such a heteronormative society that assumes everyone is straight until proven otherwise. No one has to “come out” as heterosexual, but it makes the headlines when we think someone might have a sexual orientation that includes members of his or her own sex.

In Kinsey’s Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, he reported that about 10% of the U.S. population was homosexual. Current data shows Kinsey’s report to be not far from the mark, with ranges from 2.5-14% of the population. Granted this is a difficult thing to survey when we still live in a society that makes such a big deal about being homosexual, and it’s not all Coming Out Galas with cake and tiaras.

However, at the same time, if we don’t make a big deal about a celebrity coming out, then all of the homosexuals who are closeted, afraid, and in real need of role models would have no one to look up to. We do need gays and lesbians who are on the front line, in front of the cameras, unabashedly displaying their sexual orientation so that others who do not live or work in a place where they can be themselves can at least have a few icons to learn from and maybe emulate.

Is this news? I don’t know. Maybe someday it won’t matter what an individuals’ orientation is. It will matter what they do and how they contribute to the greater good.

On Rev Mel Show June 8, 8PM PST

Dear Friends and Colleagues,

This is to let you know that Emily E. Prior is going to be the featured guest on the Reverend Mel Live Show on http://www.talkingsexradio.com on Monday, June 8 at 8 p.m. PST. The topic for the evening will be how BDSM and other alternate sexualities are taught today at the university level.

For a very long time the only context in which alternate sexuality was taught in colleges and universities was as a form of abnormal psychology. Alternate sexualities such as homosexuality, polyamory, fetishism and SM were considered to be and taught as deviant and pathological. With the advent of new research and the changing of classifications in the DSM Manual, most alternate sexualities are taught differently today, from a fresh approach that seeks to understand rather than judge; that seeks to enlighten rather than prejudice the minds of future therapists and investigators.

Drawing from her personal experiences in the academic field, Ms. Prior will discuss how things have changed for the better in the university setting, and what more change still needs to take place.

We invite everyone to listen to the program and call in with questions and comments!

Emily Prior is Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Positive Sexuality. She holds a degree in Psychology, with studies in Human Sexuality that have taken her from The Center for Sex & Gender Research at Cal State Northridge to The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender & Reproduction located at Indiana University. Most recently, she presented a paper on behalf of the Community-Academic Consortium for Research of Alternative Sexualities (CARAS) at the most recent conference of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists (AASECT) in Phoenix.

For more information, please contact: emily@positivesexuality.org .

The Center for Positive Sexuality is a non-profit organization dedicated to the idea that people not only need to be educated about sex and sexuality, but that everyone needs to be able to see these topics portrayed from a positive, healthy perspective. Sex and sexuality are normal, natural parts of being human and should be explored as a part of everyone’s development. Our website is: http://www.positivesexuality.org .

“MARRY US OR JAIL US” DARE

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE EQUALITY ACTIVISTS
LGBTQ Protestors Take Up Civil Disobedience
and Risk Arrest

Los Angeles, California, May 26, 2009 –An estimated 500 people (mostly Latinos, many of them high school youth) participated in a passionate protest organized by Latinos for Equality Alliance of East Los Angeles reacting to this morning’s announcement of the California Supreme Court’s decision to allow Proposition 8 (the gay marriage equality referendum) to stand as law. Eight LGBTQ activists, taking their fight for Same-Sex Marriage Equality to a new tactical level, entered the County Recorder Marriage License office to request marriage licenses and, when they were denied, they blocked heterosexual applicants from obtaining licenses and shut down the building refusing to leave.

Using non-violent resistance tactics of civil obedience the LGBTQ community has not used in recent years, Jeanne Cordova and her partner Lynn Harris Ballen, Carlos Alvarez and his partner Orlando Prado, Susan Forrest and her partner Talia Bettcher, as well as activists Professor Jacob Hale and Tony Espinosa were prepared to be arrested.

These LGBTQ demonstrators (all members of the “Marry Us Or Jail Us” Action Alliance (MUJU)) occupied the building for three hours. When it became clear that the County Sheriffs were prepared to wait them out rather than arrest them, they allowed themselves to be escorted off the property. Having made their point, they pledged their commitment to Same-Sex Marriage Equality and to civil disobedience.

Lynn Harris Ballen, said, “We’ve faced numerous discriminations as a couple. When Jeanne had colon cancer last year, I had to fight with hospital personnel to be treated as next of kin. We’ve been together for twenty years and simply want the same rights and protections as any other committed couple in California.”

******
This is copied by permission from the originator.

Courageous Outreach to Academics and Therapists Successful

I recently attended the 41st Annual AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) Conference. I had the privilege of presenting at the conference, which I greatly enjoyed. More importantly I was a small part of an outreach that brought the SM community and the academic research community, who have in the past been seen as at odds to one another, together. Having the perspective of one who resides in both camps, it was quite amazing to hear commentary from each organization about this outreach and what it could mean to not only the future of sex education and therapy, but to the future of those of us who feel we live on the fringes of society because of our sexual identities.

APEX, the Arizona Power Exchange, opened its doors to those attending the AASECT Conference. As far as I know, this has never been done quite like this before. APEX had the courage to reach out to a community that many BDSM lifestylers are cautious and even afraid of. And because of this magnanimous gesture, another 150 educators and therapists have returned to their universities and practices with more knowledge about what BDSM is and can be. Even more importantly, those educators and therapists can now put a real face and personality behind the rhetoric and theory, hopefully allowing them to be more compassionate, knowledgeable, and understanding when they come across a client who defines her or himself as a BDSM practitioner.

Master Reagan and his many volunteers held an Open House where members from the AASECT conference were introduced to some of the realities of BDSM. Along with a tour of their beautiful dungeon, Masters Bert, Harold, Reagan, and Karen Torry Greene MSW, LCSW, KAP spoke about the needs and expectations of the BDSM Communities, mainly that BDSM is not a diagnosis for mental illness and that more research and education needs to take place to dispel this myth.

Along with several volunteers from neighboring BDSM organizations, APEX then provided the audience with a sneak peek into the experience of a play party. For my part, it was quite difficult to watch such beautiful scenes being played and be entirely unable to participate. They chose perfect music and, as the lights dimmed, several scenes took place in the center of the dungeon. From fire play to suspension bondage to corporal spanking and caning to violet wands and floggers, the variety of intimacies explored for the AASECT audience was intriguing, sexy, and for some, disturbing. I found myself quietly explaining what was going on in some of the scenes to a fellow AASECT attendee, as he asked me “What is that?” and “What are they doing?” Audience members seated farther away from the action stood up and craned over those in front to get a better look.

After about twenty minutes, the music and play began to wind down. There was a lot of cuddling, caressing, kissing, and tears as the couples that had been playing began their aftercare. I could see that some of the AASECTers did not expect this level of compassion, intimacy, and love from the players. Some even seemed more uncomfortable experiencing the nuances of aftercare, and I believe that was because it is so intimate and personal, almost too much so for an audience to be present.

As the players came back down to earth, APEX opened its kitchen to the AASECTers. Master Reagan instructed the group that many other lifestylers were in the room as well, wearing name tags that also listed a few kinks each would be willing to discuss with anyone who asked. It wasn’t long before everyone was mingling and talking with one another. Overall, the AASECT group seemed very pleased and honored to have been a part of this very special occasion.

Afterward, when I spoke to some of the AASECT attendees, they were clearly still processing much of what they had experienced. Some folks said they still didn’t get it, but that they attended at all gives me hope that they are trying. Others were exuberant and also mildly frustrated that they didn’t have the chance to play along as well. I even met one woman who, years ago, was not a part of the BDSM community and was even quite against the idea of practicing kink. Now, she’s fully in the community and lifestyle and proudly sports her mark of play and SM interaction.

From APEX and affiliates? They were quite pleased with how things went. I congratulated them on their courage. We can all learn from the willingness of APEX and their affiliates in Phoenix, and hopefully emulate their good deeds.

I hope that this experience and others like it can help bridge the gap between these two communities. In the end, they have the same goals, to educate and enhance the sex lives of consenting adults, to help those who are confused and are looking for a safe outlet for their sexual desires, and ultimately to do no harm.

Bondage Sex Helps Couples Bond

My comments are based on this article: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Health–Science/Bondage-sex-helps-couples-bond/articleshow/4341683.cms

Now, I’m in total agreement regarding the title, however I’m not getting the math that the article is using. According to one study, the article cites that an increase in cortisol (a stress hormone) increased with SM play. Wouldn’t that mean that the couple is less bonded? Or, do increased stress hormones somehow increase bonding? I’m not quite getting the science here.

Another study states that there were increased levels of testosterone in the female bottoms after SM play. Not sure how this leads to a conclusion of bonding, but it’s interesting none-the-less.

The article asks that future studies check for orgasm related to play, since current science seems to agree that the experience of orgasm during a sexual encounter leads to increased hormones connected to bonding, at least for women. The wrinkle here is, I believe, that not all SM play leads to orgasm, however I would wonder whether or not that means those folks aren’t feeling “bonded” to their partners. Maybe what is really needed here is Ye Olde Multi-Method research, inccluding not only tests for particular hormones (objective) but also people’s responses regarding how they feel (subjective).

So, although this is a step in the right direction, at least according to this article (which is hardly the full outline of the study I’m sure) I’m not really seeing the connection between bondage and bonding. Unfortunately, for those of us who have experienced it, we can’t just use “Duh!” as scientific evidence.

Trans Town Hall Meeting

I attended the Trans Town Hall Meeting in Hollywood last night. There were about 30 folks in attendance, some trans, some allies. It was held at The Village, a part of the LA Gay & Lesbian Center, in the theatre there.
The topic was “Improving Access and Quality of Educational Experiences for Trans Communities,” with a panel of speakers ranging from educators and professors to students. Each had his or her own story about their experiences as a trans person and how that has affected their ability to utilize educational resources (getting into college, financial aid, etc.) and how they were using their experiences to help others. It was agreed that not only do young people (including pre-and elementary school) need to know what opportunities are available for trans folk, but those who are over 25 need resources and opportunities as well. It was also agreed that non-trans folk need training in sensitivity and awareness.
In the Los Angeles area, Cal State LA, Cal State Northridge, and Antioch University all are quite progressive with their various sexuality, LGBT, and Queer studies programs. In fact, one of the panel members was key in arranging a gender-neutral bathroom at Antioch. These universities serve extremely diverse and large populations, and seem to be in the forefront modeling awareness and inclusive campus communities.
A few other interesting notes from the meeting included the idea of compiling a trans history; creating training for faculty at universities and secondary schools; making sure that transgenders are included in the conversion and everyday speak of those who teach (as well as others); helping with microbusiness planning for those wishing to be self-employed; helping with other business and finance planning; finding grants and endowments that would help trans businesses, organizations, and individuals succeed; and being willing to foster a trans youth to help reduce the staggering numbers of those who are living on the streets.
For my part, and the Center for Positive Sexuality, I am putting together a transgender panel that will also go out to the universities and colleges, just like the rest of us. It has been my experience that the only way to open minds is in person. Once there is a name and face to go along with what you think you know about a particular group of people, it’s a lot more difficult to deny them their personhood.